i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
