He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
