I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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