it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
