Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
