so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
