I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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