these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
