Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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