I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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