i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
