Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
