Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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