If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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