In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
