If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
