I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
