hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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