your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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