Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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