All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Randomize
