I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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