We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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