Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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