Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
