Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
