$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
