He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
