Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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