Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Alive.
So much puke
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
