dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
