I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
