dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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