he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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