3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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