It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
