i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
