I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
