I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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