If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
