The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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