He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
