there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
