My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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