I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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