i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i love accidental penises.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
