It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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