so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
