my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
