I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
