didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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