Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
